I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
