I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
