nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
