You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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