you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
