Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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