Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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