Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
