Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
