New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.