there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.