oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?