so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
