Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
