Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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