6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
