I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Yo dont text me then not text me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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