My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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