tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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