he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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