i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize