shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
