Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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