i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
