Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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