I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize