Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
