Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
