Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
well you can't waste a boner
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
