eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
