dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
