xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
