there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
