Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
