Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
