I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
