i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
