bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize