Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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