Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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