i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
