$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This gyro tastes like lonliness
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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