I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
