he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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