I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
