So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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