11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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