he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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