We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
