Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize