How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
