So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
