its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
