my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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