Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
