Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
