proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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