Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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