i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am available for nakedness
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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