She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
