hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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