Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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