so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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