Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
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I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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