When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
